Sarcasm, Decepticons, and Really Bad Days
by Who First
Summary: Somedays you wake up feeling like this is going to be one of those days, but nothing ever happens, and you feel completely silly. Lennox is not having one of those days, and would like to complain to whoever hands out those days, because he's had way too many of them.


The feeling of foreboding wrongness was there when he woke up. All the hair on his entire body was standing at attention.

Lennox swallowed thickly, throat already dry as a desert, as he glared at the ceiling. He had absolutely no desire to get out of his uncomfortable bed in the tiny back room, and find whatever fresh hell was awaiting him after leaving the safety of his room.

He already worked with giant, temperamental, aliens robots. He didn't deserve anything worse.

The knock on his door was almost expected, infinitely upsetting, but expected in the grand scheme of irritation.

"Sir?" The male voice wasn't one he recognized, but there was a lot of NEST personnel that he wasn't familiar with. Times that by the entire base when he's stuck at a different base. He probably wouldn't recognize a third of the people he actually knew. "There is a situation developing in the eastern quarters, you're needed for..."

"On my way." Lennox groaned. He saluted the ceiling, favorite finger high, as he rolled out of the tiny bed. At this point he just needed to get up, start moving, and hope the feeling of despair went away.

Preferably before all hell broke loose.

And he really wished there was a coffee pot in his room.

Lennox grabbed his basic uniform, pulling on the pants, shirt, and heavy boots on before wandering out into the empty hallway and walking toward the exit.

If trouble was brewing, like it felt like, there was no point in delaying. It was Friday after all, and everyone knew that the worst problems happened on Fridays, because then you didn't get a weekend.

But... the Eastern quarters were set away from the majority of the base, something that had originally been for the generals of the base and away from the normal grunts, now it wasn't used at all except when the soldiers wanted a safe place to play games.

That's what happens when the buildings on the other side of the runways from the rest of the bases building. For the lazy soldiers on duty, it was a pain in the ass to bother checking the distant building for illegal games.

He paused on the tarmac, it was cold under his feet even with the thick shoes, making him want to rub at his arms in the early morning chill. Which, admittedly, was normal for the northern base, but it still made his heart beat faster. And his muscles tensing for fight or flight to kick in.

Nothing moved.

Literally nothing near him.

In the distance, far distance, Lennox could hear the chirping of birds, moving engines, and the other sounds of a base early in the morning, but up close there was nothing. Not even crickets. Just his too fast breathing as the feeling of doom moved closer.

The Decepticons had been quiet recently, too quiet, so of course it would be too much to ask that it stayed quiet. He wasn't even at Diego Garcia. The only Autobot with him was Sideswipe.

Which was awkward considering the front liners normal attitude and attention to rules and or details.

He froze in place, looking down at the dark ground, feeling tiny tremors. Small flecks of loose rocks jumping across the tarmac.

Lennox looked up again, heart thudding, just in time to see Skywarp porting just above him in an explosion of extra space, missiles already fired and shooting towards the buildings. Exhaust and clouds of displaced molecules stretching along behind his wake.

The ranger was thrown forwards, skidding across the blacktop as the closest building behind him exploded into bright flames, shoving him like a skipping stone across the ground. To shocked to feel the skin and cloth being ripped away as he skidded along, adrenaline filling his veins like a shot of caffeine straight to the heart.

The main hanger went up like a fourth of July special, multiple explosions hot and sharp against his back, sounding like a round of cannons going off all at once and filling his ears with sharp ringing. He could still hear Sides shouting, shooting guns, screaming from both the alien and human soldiers left on base, but it was numbly distant. Like hearing from the other end of a tunnel.

More explosions, heat and wreckage from the destroyed buildings flying overhead, pieces tearing through Lennox's clothing and skin, as he tried ducking his head under bare arms. Another round of blasts, weapons from friendly and enemy, the forces colliding with him.

Lennox looked up, in between the never ending explosions, blinking as blood dripped into his eyes, staring straight into the bright red optics of the dead.

Blackout bared his fangs at the small organic, thundering forwards toward the downed human, each step digging into the ex runway, tearing apart the asphalt and sending the chunks flying into the air like miniature explosions.

Lennox was up and moving before the the first stray piece skinned past his cheek, hands and feet scrabbling for purchase against the ruined ground, racing out of the fire and straight to the frying pan, as the mocking laughter echoed behind him.

Flashing back to Mission City, remembering the insane motorcycle ride of doom, and sliding between the giant's legs, shooting everything he had at the slagging creature chasing him. And wasn't that oodles of fun; giant evil robot that it was.

The ground exploded in front Lennox, chunks of asphalt and road flying through the air as the metal creature rocketed through the runway and sliding into view amidst the destruction.

_Sand exploding as they ran, sharp barbs of metal stabbing through the air and flinging the soldier away from it as it chittered and clicked in aggravation, chasing Lennox down the way. His men dying as the creature gutted them without a glance._

Lennox fell backwards as the new shockwave hit him, letting gravity spirit him away from the plunging limbs of death, hitting the ground hard and bouncing away. Pulling his legs in, kicking at the pinchers chasing after him, and kept moving. Rolling again, he tried jumping the jagged lines of rubble cutting into his shoulder, ending up on his knees just past the zone of destruction.

The pinchers slammed down, Lennox gasping as they crashed into his chest, shoving him hard into the tarmac underneath, and trapping the struggling soldier in place. Feeling every bit of strength waiting for the order to shove him through the asphalt and into his personalized grave.

"You slagging aft-"

The claw crunched, digging deeper into the runway, Lennox's swearing breaking off as he felt his ribs splintering and cracking under the intense pressure. Asphalt screeched in protest, followed by dull thuds of it falling, as the claw twisted and yanked the gasping human upwards. Letting the soft organic hang in air above the ground as tarmac fell away from metal claws.

Lennox coughed again, blood filling his mouth where he bit through his lip, darkness inching around his eyes as the metal beast kept his lungs from expanding. More spots moved in, vertigo increasing as his oxygen vanished, until darkness took over and the ranger fell limp in the scorpion mech's grasp.

With the base in flames, and the screams of dying humans in the air, no one had a second to watch the scorpion scuttling away with its prisoner. No one around was even left thinking there might be a prisoner taken.

Scorponok scurried quickly over the ground, base of doomed man moving further away behind it, as it hurried towards its master. High pitched clicks and squeals breaking the silence of the small clearing as the scorpion dropped the small organic at his master's feet.

The sudden return of oxygen, never agin to be taken for granted, had Lennox's pale eyes opening up. Only to meet the burning red optics of a zombie mech. He flopped forwards, breaking the stare, as a metal leg nudged him closer.

Now he was feeling a bit like what the cat dragged in, quick panic at the thought of trying to face down Ravage, while more vicious chittering broke his scattered thoughts.

Scorponok was still chittering, metal form dancing around Lennox, before finally folding up against Blackout's huge form, vanishing as it clicked into place among moving metal pieces. A claw came down then, blocking Lennox's view, and scraping against pained skin.

Lennox felt his head falling back, still too limp and oxygen deprived, to fight back as the supposedly dead mech lifted him upwards. Almost gentle with it's touch.

Vertigo set in, brief seconds of moving sky and war torn metal, helicopter blades moved past his vision against the sound of transforming. More jarring motions and noises before the soldier was dropped onto the floor of the Sikorsky, and then they really started moving.

He had one last glance of the base as the helicopter rose quickly through the air, seeing Skywarp blasting out of nowhere before smashing Sideswipe into the ground, ripping through more of the runway. They were going to be spending so much money to put that runway back together.

Waking up to the ground zooming up to meet him was an unpleasant reminder that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. Hitting the ground hurt. And definitely not around Autobots, who went out of their way to keep any human from getting something as devastating as a paper cut.

That and the harsh clicking, whirring noises of spoken Cybertron, something Lennox had only heard the mechs speak in extreme anger.

Oh and lets not forget the ever present feeling of intense _doom_, as highlighted by remembering his helicopter ride with the dead, and the giant scorpion from hell that enjoyed trying to crush him into jam.

Clawed fingers dug into Lennox's sides, flipping him over and pinning the man in place under the heavy red glare. The mech's face much to close to his own, and looking evilly amused at the panic crossing his face.

"How the frag are you alive?" Lennox wheezed, the claws didn't even bother tightening around his bruised ribs, and wished he had enough moisture in his mouth to spit the words. "Remember being really fragging happy when you went _boom_."

Blackout continued looking amused, and Lennox really wanted a couple of sabot rounds to pump through the mech's nasty smirk, moving his head back and forth, while his optics focused on the tiny organic.

It was a nice fantasy to distract him. Blackout writhing around on the floor while the rounds melted through the metal skull. For a few seconds.

"Did you want something fraghead?" Lennox spat blood from the still dripping hole in his lip. "Or did you get tired of looking at destroyed husks of other Decepticons?"

"Your presence is required, Captain."

Lennox flinched at the deep voice, claws lifting him away from the grounds safety, and up even closer to the mech's giant face.

"Will you cause problems, Captain?"

Lennox's grey eyes narrowed, glaring back as deadly as he could, it was a little harder to look menacing when he was dangling from the huge mech's fist, but if anyone could do it... Eps would be the first to say Lennox was crazy and ballsy enough to pull it off.

"Offlined you once already." Lennox grinned savagely. "And it was easy."

Blackout looked pleased, okay so that was a little worrying, carefully setting the ranger back down. Optic's flickering as it continued eyeing him, before reaching down with one claw to stroke along the short dirtied hair.

"You are a very blood thirsty organic." Blackout purred, more like a classic car than helicopter if you asked Lennox. "Not very Autobot like at all."

Gritting his teeth, Lennox rolled onto his knees, before staggering to his feet under the mech's amused eyes. Falling back away from the giant pedes, each step backwards threatening to bring him down again, as the mech favored him with another fanged grin.

"What do you _want_."

Lennox growled as Blackout moved towards the hanger, warehouse type building's, door. Scorponok emerging from the armor like the disgusting bug it was, scuttling down the larger build to the floor.

Blackout was through the rolling door, a darker look of amusement crossing his face, as he watched the soldier. The dim light outside behind the mech saying either they were on the other side of the world, or Lennox had been out of it for a while.

"You make a suitable pet, Captain."

Lennox froze, bloody mouth dropping open, falling backwards as Scorponok rushed him, distracting the organic from Blackout's departure. Trying to avoid descending claws, shoved Lennox back into the wall, while the door clanged shut.

The scorpion-look-alike settled back on metallic haunches after the echoes vanished, unsettling rows of optics fixed unerringly on the ranger.

A giant guard dog for insane zombie mechs.

And what insane,probably a zombie mech, didn't need their very own pet human? Lennox could remember Sam's nightmares after Megatron. Being perverted and just plain weird was probably some of the top requirements to be a Decepticon.

Scorponok shifted, optics blinking out of time, as it watched Lennox easy further along the wall away from it. And, okay, so he wasn't going anywhere quickly with the oversized bug watching him. Lennox shifted, moving his legs out in front of him, cataloguing his injuries.

Of which there were a lot.

Nothing major, but lots of cuts from tiny to sections of skin scraped away when he was sliding over the tarmac. Some rocks and other pieces of debris stuck like large splinters into his upper chest and shoulders.

Twitching out of the corner of his eye reminded Lennox of his buggy watch dog,the one with multiple eyes and twitchy tail. And habit of going underground for devastating sneak attacks.

Oh yeah. This would be _fun_.

Or not.


End file.
